Saturday, June 18, 2005


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It's about dat time. I have been in the states too long (3 frigging years). Since I've decided to come out of hibernation and be social, I keep hearing the same thang. "Your still here?" "Oh, are you still with that brotha? No? Why are you still here?" "Where have you been? Here!!!!"

Every 2 - 3 years I get an itch. The only way it can be scratched is if I gets the heck outta here. And I believe it is about that time. The new guy I am dating says if I had peace of mind I would stop traveling. No, if I was a boring person with tunnel vision, I would stop traveling. This time around I am contemplating Central/South America. Actually, a friend of mind recently gave me both Vogue and Vogue Hombre Latino America - I've been reading it everyday. Even WASPy Vogue has more flava outside of the states.

I do notice a small pattern. When I do decide to disappear, I'll meet a nice guy that I would like to spend some monogamous time with - then I decide to get the helllllllll away. Ironically, I have done this twice and was able to pick up (the relationship) exactly where it left off.

Savannah is a small town with a lot of hatahs, here freedom comes with a price. Other places freedom just costs you a plane ticket and you are allowed to be a expansive and free thinking as you want to be. My friends are like you are so lucky to live such a private life. I'm like, f---! Y'all left here and became famous or almost famous. Sometimes it pays to leave your comfort zone.

At any rate I am about to go hang out in the big city (lol - country ass Atlanter). I'll see y'all when I get back.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Uranus Goes Retrograde or Is My Ass On Backwards?

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My sistren, my brethren, mi gente. Have you ever dreamed the impossible dream? Now is the time when they all can come true. From June 14 until November 15 Uranus goes retrograde. Don't forget Neptune is still having a field day with everybody as well.

For all this will be a time of emotion. Uranus is affecting the grand trine of emotions - the water signs Cancer, Pisces and Scorpio. Also, those of you who are parents – those children will “act a fool” for a while. Time to get the grandparents involved and tap dat azz.

Uranus is the spirit of revolution and rebellion, combine this with Neptune going retro, illusion with revolution. Remember that REM song? “It’s the end of the world as we know it…and I feel fine.” You may start to wonder what it is you want in life. You will start to second guess yourself. Go seek your elders and spiritual advisors, you will be absolutely confused.

Oh and your money’s screwed. The majority of us will have to hustle to hold it down. Those of us born mid-March may find themselves with extra savings. Ironically, this is a good time for partners and partnerships, both business and romantic. (Hey, I just met someone who may be good for both. I will not be writing about him, he may be reading this).

From a personal stand point I am already brooding. Tuesday, after checking my finances, I was so pissed I weed-wacked my front lawn for 4 1/2 hours roasting and baking in 92 degrees sun (we won't even discuss the heat index). (Now I have to find a private garden to sunbathe in. I’m now three different shades). I was so hot (flame on!) I did not notice the external heat. What was more annoying was the men offering assistance, whilst I was almost done. I’m like you mofos knew I had a jungle out here where were the offers before? Now I’m out here in a skimpy tank top with boobs for days, “Sista, you are so beautiful, you need some help?” WTF. Next time my lawn needs work, I will just lay out topless and spread eagle eating oranges, and see what happens. A friend of mine stopped by and noticed that my lawn is down to the ground (oh yeah, I was pissed) while she was laughing, “Wow you won’t have to cut again until July”. (Actually, I think what is left is a combination of mulch, roots and dirt - it's all brown).

Yesterday me and my best friend consumed 1/2 a fifth of Pepe Lopez con Corona. When I went home I had two additional double shots. For breakfast (today) two double shots. Oh yeah, that nasty attitude intern caught hell from me on the bus (heh, heh, heh). Hey if I speak, ya better holla back.

Oh yeah back to the astrological tips...
When Uranus is in retrograde the change is on the inside. When both retrogrades are over we will be more self-aware and more spiritually in tune. But until then the majority of us will be broke emotional biscuits.

Just remember when it is all done you will be bigger and deffer than ever.

Want more? Click aqui Karma Astrology y aqui Daykeeper Journal.

Friday, June 10, 2005

The Breakfast of Champions

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My ideal Sunday? It's not two hamburgers and an icy Heineken, nor is it champagne brunch at the Windows (at the Hyatt over looking the tritium and mercury laden Savannah River - it's still beautiful though). It's a double shot (who am I foolin' triple) of tequila, salt, límon, either a Corona or Heiny chaser (xxxtra cold). Some of you snobs may disagree with my choice of chaser, honestly room temperature Guiness after a T-shot, nahhhhhhhhh.

Tequila is wonderful for the simple fact if you just consume it and/or a beer chaser, there is no hangover. I repeat there is no hangover. Now if you mix Big T with any other form of alcohol you are on your own (and an embarrassment to your homies/crew/clique).

I remember one bright summer Friday afternoon my best friend and I decide to end the week with a couple of double shots. Saturday I go to the kitchen - no shoes inside the house - things are getting trapped under my feet. The trail leads out to the back porch. Best friend drops by views kitchen floor, "Whoa you were drunk"(a rarity). Beads every where. Every square inch of my kitchen floor, druk beads, faceted Czech beads, seed beads. The back porch/patio cowrie shells, et. al.. (I also design jewelry). I shake my head and laugh in disbelief. We pull out yesterday’s bottle of Cuervo Gold, 3/4 of a fifth gone! Best friend, "We drank all of that?" Moi, "Apparently so..." We look at each other and finish it off.

Something has gone awfully wrong. Jose Cuervo Gold is off the market. $19.99 for a fifth, perfecto. It is great for Fridays when I actually go into the office and do budget reports, or when I do graphic design stuff, or I'm working on some pop-art stuff. Tequila is great for menial or mulitask orientated projects. Now there is this rotgut called Cuervo Especial. Yeah, it's especial all right - especial mierda (ish).

So I moved to Mezcal $30. I thought this would be the happy medium since Patrón (always smooth goin' down) is about $47 (there is another habit that costs me $50 a week let's not discuss). The bottle has cool Aztec symbols and a worm at the bottom. It is a reposado and is made with 100% pure agave. Matter a fact 2 double shots is the equivalent of 4. One drawback, it tastes like formaldehyde, Robitussin and Vicks Vaporub all into one. (Okay, the reason why I chose Mezcal is because I had the hots for a Mescal Indian brotha – he only dated white chicks. Crazy I know. Then he was in the army, real crazy).

On to Jose Cuervo Tradicional, my Spidersense said it replace Gold 1800, it cost a whopping $22 (woo, hoo). A 100% blue agave - ah, a reposado. Double shot numero uno...okay. Numero dos...swallow, pause, swallow...must...bite...lemon. Numero tres...must... (yeah, the Corona tastes better than the tequila, what is wrong with this picture). My best friend tried drinking it again the next day. She poured it down the sink. I mis-read my Spidersense it was saying this tastes like Jagermeister and hot ass. I did #2 5 times during an 8-hour period. I guess shit begets shit. I did keep the bottle - it looks like a wine bottle (pretty).

Pepe Lopez, $37. The bottle is Native/Central American just like the Mezcal bottle. Double shot 1, okay. 2 - o.... kayyyy. 3&4 hot trail from esophagussssssssss to the stomaaaaaaaaaach. Well it tasted better than the others did and my best friend now has a set of cool bottles.

It seems like my body will only accept Patrón. I guess I really do have to set up a website to sell my merchandise. My habits are getting expensive.

My philosophy about life is if you are going to go, mine as well go allllll the wayyyyyyy. If it is not about the Good Lord, good food, good times, good friends and good sex, why are we here people? I am made of flesh, thusly I will enjoy myselllllllf, enjoy myselllllf. (Think spiritual hedonist).

Oh before you my-body-is-a-temple people say jack... Think outside of the box sobriety doesn't work for some people. If you ran into me in the street and I was sweet and polite chances are I was roasting, toasting and floating minutes before. Eeeeeeverybody knows I'm mean.

Some people get F-ed up to escape reality, I do it to function on this plane of existence.

Hope this post makes sense. I'm in a rush and sober.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Somebody Up There Has My Best Interests At Hand

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It's almost summer! This means it is also time for me to have a temporary boyfriend (6 months max, I have to make sure I get all the holiday zawadis [gifts]). Don't let him be a Buddhist, we will last until their New Years (February).

There is one guy I thought might be an eligible candidate. He's been chasing me for 6 months and he is not annoying about it. Some brothas want to call you 7 times a day and beg - whyyyyyyy? Honestly, I was still unsure if I wanted to deal with him. I haven't heard the right phrase/buzzwords that would make me say, "Yeah, he's the man" (of the moment - ha).

Mr. Would Be Summer Affair use to date one of my girls - don't judge. Okaaaaay at one point they were engaged. This was 5 years ago. She went back home to the Motherland, and stopped keeping in touch with everybody. So, as far as I was concerned she was no longer a part of my life. I was free from both guilt and karma. (He's good-looking, economically sound, and my girls and me belong the Big D**** Only Club <--- I would not be *ahem* disappointed, yippee).

The oddest thing happened. I received an email from Ms. Thang. (I'll spell this one out for y'all) FUCK! The first one was one of those Hi5 thingies, I was like whatever, a fluke. Then all of my addresses were being hit with "real" emails by her. ....Whoa. Scratch that fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. The very thing that would deter me from dealing with this guy has occurred. Girlfriend is happily married and all, but rules are rules. I was on her mind and she had to contact me, simple as that. Wow. (Nah, fuckshitdamnhell)! Don't get me wrong, I am absolutely ecstatic about hearing from her. Who knows bruhman could be a DL kinda guy (he is vain and flashy); or he could be violent; or be below the radar certifiable crazy.

Sometimes you can't see what is wrong with a person. People have layers and facades. It's not meant to be. So when a relationship doesn't pan out, I look up and say, "Thank you".

A Special Note To All Of You Serial Daters

Relationships are karmic. Sometimes you run into a past life husband/wife and you have to allow nature to run it's course. Just do what you got to do so you do not have to do it again in the next life, or at least to make the next encounter is more pleasurable.

I have never been married in the western since of the word, but spiritually 4 times. They were all husbands before and we had unfinished business. What we had was beautiful. Okayyyyy the majority of the guys I date are past life ex's. Reality check, I come from a traditional family, so I am for sale and come with a bride price (trust me I cost more than 2 oxen, 2 goats, 3 cows, 5,000 cowries and several acres of land, *Mr. Rodgers voice* Can you say pre-nup? I like the way you say that boys and girls).

While traveling I met this brotha who proposed to me before the night was over (this all happened in a single day - no it was not a post-coital exclamation). I met all of his people, yadda, yadda, yadda. This is not unusual for me. Everyone gets caught up in the glitter.

And guess what, you can have more than one soulmate (just not at the same time).

Some of you may debate this. So what it is still true. Chew on dat fo' a moment. (Yeah this post may be classified as an overshare - but most blogs are).

So does this make me a transtemporal mack?

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Ya See, I Knew I Was A Bad M@%$#*f$^&#*

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Mace Windu




Padme Amidala


Darth Vader




Emperor Palpatine


General Grievous




Anakin Skywalker


Obi Wan Kenobi




Clone Trooper


Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
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Monday, June 06, 2005

Absolutely Nothing

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The weekend contained scattered thunderstorms and humidity; so no reason to go outside (except for some Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey and to flirt with Hot Arab Guy) - I do not like hot azz weather. So, I decide to purchase some videos. Since VHS is virtually obsolete Home Run Video has previously viewed tapes at 2 for $4.95; unless its anime 2 for $9.95. I purchased Posse, Jackie Brown, Clerks, The Man in the Iron Mask (I so love all things Dumas and Louis the IV <--- he is the Sun King), Shallow Grave and Labyrinth of Passion.


My parents are baby boomers so I have a soft spot for westerns. Just keep in mind that most classic westerns (Sergio Leone) are blatant rip-offs of Japanese films, think Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo (The Samurai -I suggest all film geeks get this movie).

Pam Grier barely had lines and looked a little rough (she was portraying a prostitute, so let's just say she was in character). Sally Richardson's character gets buck nekkid with Jessie Lee (Mario Van Peebles). I have never seen her in a substantive role - wait she was the voice of the female cop in the cartoon Gargoyles, I liked her in that.

I love anything that shows positive Black and Red relations. But there were two scenes that gave me the creeps.

Scene #1. The entire posse bathing au natural in a lake. Normally, I have no qualms about viewing naked men. I personally believe clothing is a polite way of protecting humanity from unattractive bodies. These dudes were enjoyithemselves too much (in that soap-on-a-rope kind of way), perhaps the nudity equated with freedom.

Scene #2. Jessie Lee and his mentor (played by Melvin Van Peebles) both shirtless. Directors and their egos. Translation me and my daddy are foin look we both are somewhat) buff and shirtless. This reminded me of an episode of Living Single when both Van Peebles men were dating Regíne (Kim Fields). I can only assume that they are kinky and are into swapping.

And wasn't MVP in the worst Highlander ever? Just give up the ghost shorty.

Jackie Brown

I do have issues with Tarantino and gratuitous use of the N word.But, when this was released I was so happy to see Pam Grier working in a starring role. And she was not all titty naked doing a girl prison fight. I enjoy viewing actress that are good looking and not exposing the wonder twins. Soapbox comment: All Haile does is shows tits and screws, it compensates for her mediocre talents. How many times can you raise an eyebrow? Leave that to The Rock and Beyonce.

I have developed a fondness for Samuel L. Jackson. I use 13 letter curse words gratuitously after viewing a movie that stars him, Eve's Bayou included. I have never met him, but there is only 3 degrees of separation between us.


Kevin Smith (even though he is now huuuuge in bodily dimensions) is still one of my favorite directors. This was his first film - hilarious. Chasing Amy's theme came from this film.

Movie highlight. Main character tells girlfriend that he has slept with 12 women. Girlfriend is appalled she has only slept with 3 men. Then we find out that she has performed fellatio on 37 guys - according to her its not the same. (Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight).

We also learn what a snowball is boys & girls --->insert me vomiting -no- *huuuuuuuurling* here<----.

Shallow Grave

Seen this once about 10 years ago. Two words Ewan McGregor. After viewing this movie I predicted he was going to have an excellent future in cinema.

Man Behind the Iron Mask

Everyone either had or attempted some type of euro accent exept for Leo Dicaprio (sheesh). Still one of my favorite movies. Porthos still remains my favorite Musketeer. All he wants is some bootay and to fight.

Favorite line #1.
Porthos: Arrgggggggh! It hurts when I piss! It hurts when I shit! I'm just a fat old fart with nothing to live for anymore. I'm going to hang soon as I am sober.

Favorite line #2.

d'Artagnan: Anne, I know that to love you is a treason against France; but not to love you is a treason against my heart.

Queen Anne: Then we will both die traitors d'Artagnan.

I know, sappy. Somebody is thinking that line is as bad as, "Hold me like you use to on Naboo".

Side note I know a descendant of Alexander Dumas about how he wound up in France, her reply, "Following some white woman".

Laberinto de Pasiones (Labyrinth of Passion)

I have never seen this but it is directed by Pedro Aldomovar it is one of Antonio Banderas' earlier roles. The back of the taped reads, "The plot is indescribable, involving a smorgasboard of obsessed outrageous folk dashing around Madrid in search of such things as sperm from the imperial family of Iran. A terrorist who works by smell; a desperate empress; a nympho punk rockette; a healer laundress; an incestuous gynecologist - all collide crazily in the hunt for happiness".

I hope this is not Antonio's breakthrough movie where he kisses a boy *huuuurlll*.

The weather for today is the same. So more movies for me to watch as I crochet and work on my needle felted sculptures.

Friday, June 03, 2005

The Golden 10

Luke Cage hit me with this one, so here I go. God, myself, Africa, family and money are the eternal top 5. The following Ten Things I Love are just to make me appear to be witty, obscure and deep. (In no particular order).

10. Carnelian necklace made by a brotha in Arizona. Very simple made with seed beads and a modest carnelian bead. The bead is 500 years old from Mali, West Africa. The brotha travels all of the world collecting beads.

9. Bell collection. Some antique West African pieces, modern Indian ones with antique style.

8. Bead and crystal collection. An addiction. I started beading in my early 20s. Some things I just love to stare at.

7. Yarn addiction/collection. I’ve been crocheting off and on since I was 9. I started to take it seriously (i.e. make money off of it) in December. I stated with that cheap Wal-Mart stuff (Puh-leze do not tell people I’ve been there. I just go for cheap DVDs, cheap tools and lawn stuff. I SWEAR). Now, my yarn is from Germany, Italy and Spain.

6. Toy collection. Modest and obscure. Stuff like light-saber spoon (Mace Windu was on the cover of Honey Smacks, c’monnnnnnn); Todd McFarlane Toys - nah, action figures. (Predator the Hunter and the cool Spawn with wings. It is amazing what becomes yours at the end of a relationship. I should have been greedy and claimed the kitana sword as one of my parting gifts); Barbie (well Barbie’s token friend Christie. Hey, at least she’s gotten darker over the decade. Now only if we can get her to sport natural hair). I won't embarass myself with the rest. I was so happy when I read and article in Bust magazine about women in their 30s that play with dolls.

5. My fan collection. Now you know I have to have those. I detest being hot, and if you annoy me…oops.

4. Vampire movie collection. Gimme a friggin’ break, I eat meat.

3. My ever growing Kokopelli collection. Who can resist a deity from Africa, that now resides in Central and South America. He’s a trickster who’s all about fecundity and good times. Allllllllllllll rigggggggggght.

2. Amber glass collection. My auntie (mild mannered grade school principal that will
“Flame On”
just like Grandma Laura did) “So what are you going to do with those?” Moi, “Put them some where…living room maybe.” Auntie, “You never use what you buy”. (“Shuyaaaaaaa”).

1. Plates I have made. My first plates ever are suwwwwwwwweeeet (suuukiiiinaaaaa). My wheel throwing instructor sucked. I guess I am not supposed to take a (leisure) pottery class in the middle of the day during the week. I missed the plate instruction class and she was too busy instructing glazing to supervise my plate progress. An advanced student saw my work and loved them. When I told her they were my first ones, she said I was gifted (plates are one of the most challenging things you can make in pottery. I didn’t realize this until my intermediate class). (Thanks for the vote of confidence Creator - I still do clay).

Mrs. Pilkington, Iselfra and Amadeo, I choose you! What are the 10 Things You Love?

Oh The Places You Will Go

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create your own personalized map of the USA

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create your own visited country map

This should be part of the above list:

0.5 My travel memoirs. If you haven’t traveled – gettttt out! As an old boyfriend would say “The World is yours!” I’m not totally global yet. Hey, world domination has to start somewhere.