Monday, May 30, 2005

Yeah, I Saw It

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The moral of the story is...

Good punanny will make a man ambitious. Too much testosterone mixed with arrogance and ego can make your path misdirected and change sugar into ish.

Good *ahem* stuff can make a woman lose focus and forget her own self worth.

I have spoken.

And I don't care what y'all think Hayden Christensen is a cutie, even his name is dreamy. You know R2D2 knew the whole history and never beeped ish.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Today's Playlist

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1. Break it Down Again - Tears for Fears
2. Sowing the Seeds of Love - Tears for Fears
3. Working Hour - Tears for Fears
4. Save a Prayer - Duran Duran
5. Stop Me If You Heard This One Before - The Smiths
6. Tenderness - General Public (An 80s teen classic, I had a crush on Ranking Roger and the blonde dude with the page-boy/mushroom hair cut).
7. Heart of Glass - Blondie (Two degrees of separation post high school/pre-college worked with a guy [in ATL] that always partied with and visited Debbie).
8. Theme From Cat People (Putting Out Fire With Gasoline) - David Bowie
9. Heroes - David Bowie (Apex Twin Remix)
10. Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
11. Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz
12. Speed Racer (Porno Remix) - DJ Keoki
13. Lapdance - NERDS
14. Groove is in the Heart - Deelite
15. I Feeeeeeeel Youuuuuuuu - Depeche Mode
16. Stripped - Depeche Mode (Tricky "Perversion" Remix)
17. I Feel Love - Donna Summers (Origina 12 inch cut)
18. He Loves Me (Lyzel In E Flat) - Jill Scott (Deep House Remix)
19. Get It Togther - Seal (Peter Rauhofer Classic Club Mix)
20. Get Along With You - Kelis
21. Das Model - Kraftwerk (before there was Techno there was Kraftwerk, aside from Ennio Morricone the only other Europeans that were deeply sampled in hip-hop classics)
22. I'm Not Perfect - Grace Jones (Ben Liebrand Mix)
23. What Is Love? - Deelite
24. No One - Maxwell

Iselfra throwing downnnnnnnn on the berimbau.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Carnivore Whore!

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I have this blood lust. I'll be the first to admit it. I didn't realize how bad it was until the past weekend. I was insane. I thought I was just being hormonal (the moon was a waxing gibbous, Neptune went retro, yakkity-smakity you get the picture). Normally my fantasies would consist of Taye Diggs, Tyson Beckford, Antonio Banderas, Djimon Hounsou and myself in Martinique - um planning for world peace (yeah, right). Instead all I could think about was a rare steak, a rare burger, duck l'orange/peking duck, oxtails and curried goat.

Earlier this month for two consecutive Sundays I had a "macho breakfast", this consisted of two ho' made cheeseburgers and a Heineken. I mentioned this to some of my friends both veggie and non-veggie, male and female and I received the same consistent reaction - "Yeahhhhhhhh, that's what I'm talkin' about!” (Huh?)

About two months ago I was riding with some vegan friends up to Atlanta and the children said, "Ooo look cows". Of course being the crass individual I am, I replied "Yeah they would go great with a simple table red and rosemary potatoes". Children traumatized. Me rollin'. My best friend (suppressing her laughter out of respect for the hardcore-vegan-microbiotic family we are transporting), "You are in the car with two Tauruses that's cannibalism to us".

Just be glad I'm not eating it raw (hell, we can't do it raw nowadays –er– except vegetables). I wasn't always this way - just for the last five years. And I only eat meat once a week (twice max, unless I'm extra psycho). It may be psychological. If I'm feeling extra predatory I want a bun-length beef hot dog. Nah, scratch that I want a spicy beef sausage (the fatter the better)!

I have this Native American (his tribe is a subdivision the Hopi) "uncle" that I absolutely adore. It is not because of the rich cultural exchange of our peoples or how he babies me; it is because if I'm going up to the res (reservation) one of those cows ain't coming home. Ooooo and don't let it be a Holy Day/Event - meat galore. All blessed and holy - I'm doggin' it.

I have another dirty little secret. For the last three years once a season I eat up to four strips of pork bacon or four slices of pepperoni pizza. Two months ago I decided to be a naughty girl and order a bacon cheeseburger from the local college hang out. The delivery boy is usually your typical art school dude - not that day. It was a brotha with long locs (aww shit). He looked at me sternly (he's familiar with me through the work I do within the community [damn]) and never said a word. BUSTED!!! I've been punk'd by the Universe. I will not be touching those trichinosis-laden terrors again. A friend suggested turkey bacon – nah. (I don’t get it. It’s like how some women use sex toys – it just ain’t the same. I want the real ’ting). She then suggested beef bacon (ahhhhhhh).

But regarding my lust/love for meat. I just can't shake it. Ironically, when I was a vegetarian I was forty pounds heavier (I was still fly just extra thick, plus I'm tall, but I digress). My skin is at its best. So perhaps the carnivore lifestyle works for me.

Oh, did I mention that I have little fangs?

Monday, May 23, 2005

Neptune's In Retrograde - Retrace, Revisit, Review, Rewind & Reminisce

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Last Thursday nothing was working right. It just wasn't clicking. In a minor fit of rage I hurled my keys across the floor (a made a little prayer hoping my flash drive storage thingy would not crack, amen!); I threw my mouse down on the floor it sustained minor damage; contemplated the laptop... naaaaaaah; the peachy rocker recliner - okay Goldi get a grip. I blamed my challenge on the approaching full moon and the fact that I have been sober for a week and a half (WTF). I decided to check my horoscope. Eureka I found it! On Thursday May 19th, Neptune went retrograde.

It isn't me, it is the Universe.

Neptune that slow moving blue planet of illusions, dreams, fantasy, intuition, mysteries, clairvoyance and substance abuse (woo hoo!) is going backwards. Actually, it only appears to be moving backwards from our planet's perspective.

Aquarians and Leos will be definitely be affected by this, but that's not the focus of this post. Dreamy Pisces people I'm talking to you. We are ruled by this nebulous planet. Neptune stays in retro until October 26th. As this planet retraces its steps through the heavens, so shall you retrace your steps in life (at least five months worth). Reflect and review your 2005 - no your life. Since the Twelfth House, which represents the soul rules Pisces; Pisces children tend to be spiritual in nature. During these next five months this is how you should be living your life. Pisces the fish represents the duality of the soul and we can be very *ahem* earthly as well. Meditate this will be your salvation.

Keep tabs on your dreams by maintaining a journal. Those of you who are of a psychic nature will be even more so. These events are happening because the Universe demands that you upgrade your life. Oh yeah, Uranus, the planet of change goes retrograde (10 degrees) in Pisces starting June 14th. Like it or not you will be making changes in your life - for the better. Move or be moved.

Pisces people even though creative, spiritual and brilliant are dysfunctional. The Twelfth House is full of karma goodness; we can't help but to be wacko. Every Pisces is off, slightly different. Those who are married, be thankful you have an anchor. You others keep awayyyyyyyyy from the bottle. Unless you are like me run to the nearest fifth of Mezcal and bite the worm! Logic no longer has meaning listen to your inner voice.

Oh, and stop all that friggin' daydreaming - actualize, actualize, actualize.
And good luck.

Want more? Then click away
Healing Universe and Medicine Garden.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

So Bite Me - Venus & Mars Wars Parte Dos

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Back in 2002, I was visiting the Museo Nacional Centro de Arte Reina Sofía (Queen Sofía National Museum Art Center) in Madrid. I was musing to myself unlike Valencía, which located on the Mediterranean; I did not experience "high volume dating". (When I say dating I mean exactly that--nothing carnal [gutter-minds]. Props to brother Amadeo for labeling me a serial dater. Leave it to Shango to understand the inner-workings of Oshun. But I digress...). I was falling in love with Surrealist Joan Miró (pronounced whoan), when it happened. I met Italian Hewlett-Packard Guy (IHPG). Score!

Over paella and copious amounts of red wine, he springs it on me. "Why am I not married?" Self, "Whuh?" "Why don't I have any children?" Self, "Whuh? Huh?” Blah, blah, blah, my biological clock is ticking (my biowhutty?). Blah, blah, blah time to make some babies (uh, time for another glass of wine).

Little did I know this would become the bane of my thirtysomething existence.

Some will say its society, others the double standard moral code--too many single women over twenty-nine with many suitors are definitely predators and whores. I believe its fear. Generally people do not like to be alone; and they resent those that are emotionally independent. I choose how I live my life and who my lovers are. Plus, as an artist I go on “hermit stints”. Personally, I’m feelin’ that Johnny Cash song (I have) “A Satisfied Mind”.

Last year my two-year monogamous relationship (a milestone for me) dissolved. I was in this relationship for two reasons: 1. I was in love (you know that can make your common-sense quotient drop) and 2. I had to prove to the world that I was mature (F-it I have the Power Puff Girls on DVD). I personally believe the break-up was best thing that happened in me and Bro. Seven-Years-In-Undergrad-Film-Major’s relationship. Wow! Now I can roll around in my bed and "Enjoy the Silence" (Depeche Mode). Even better I resumed my dating life. That's right that is supposed to be the focus of this post.

I live in Savannah where the intellectual, international and African-consciousness pickin's are slim - but I make due. I have “friends” strategically placed through out the continental U.S. and then some. My critics are usually men who feel that I need to be *ahem* tamed. (Yo this is not the Chronicles of Narnia and I am not a white stag). The ones that are women - hatahs. I personally refuse to be in a relationship where we are always "working on it" or there are constant issues. And why don’t I have children? 1. I am not married. 2. Condoms are 99% effective.

Relationships especially committed ones are supposed to be fulfilling. Complementing. The Yin to the Yang. Balance. Some of us just require more Yangs to our Yin. ;-)

Spread love.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

New Man Up and One Recycled

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As I have mentioned in previous posts (aqui y aqui) I will let y'all know about *ahem* staff changes. Let's welcome back Mr. Nasty Time (why oh why did I take the red pill). And there is a new one Mr. Flyy Aries Guy. I so love the way this one dresses kinda (kind of) like Pimp Nouveau. Mr. Pisces #2 - um...friends. It's not him it's me. New York Guy still on the list. Who I really want is Mr. Hot Banana Republic Guy (mama mia), but I respect those in relationships. The old me.....wellllllllll.

Usually by mid-summer I date one guy for six months. Look I have ADDD (Attention Deficit Dating Disorder)!

Monday, May 16, 2005

Fare Thee Well My Sweet Captains

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3:00 AM (or something like that) Sunday I'm watching Andromeda. When next week previews come on - its the final episode. WTF!!! Say it ain't so!!! No more Capt. Dylan Hunt? It was bad enough when Tyr Anasazi(Keith Hamilton Cobb) became evil, cut off his locks and became one with the Abyss. He('s) fine! Sigh...

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I was never a big fan of Enterprise (but I have been a Trekky since I was a little girl. Star Trek came on at 6:00 PM on WPIX Channel 11, Saturdays). Enterprise had Quantum Leap Guy, as Capt. Jonathan Archer and an over-sexed female Vulcan, so I gave it viewer support. Actually, my favorite episodes were the last ones that had the parallel universe Enterprise. The opening theme was even cooler. The sword through Earth insignia, stuff blowing up... Even the music was better. I couldn't stand the regular theme music. It sounded like (70s rock band) Styx. Yeah, I know the words to "Mr. Roboto" and "Don't Let It End" -- let's not go there!

I mean what's left?!? Matrix - Done. LOTR - Done. We have one X-Men and Spiderman left. No more Indiana Jones. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - originally four books and a BBC series. Dune - a whole slew of books and a remake (and then some). War of the Worlds - remake. What else is there? A remake of V? Hell there are six Star Wars. There's nothing left.

Fantasy Star Wars script:

Yoda: "Light-saber yours which is?"
Mace Windu: "The one that says bad motherfucker handling the Force."

I was going to post the lyrics to Michael Jackson's "She's Out of My Life" and apply to the captains. I'll spare y'all.

Update #1: Battlestar Gallactica - Starbuch is too macho and female. I hade a crush on the original (played by Dirk Benedict and he was part of the A-Team). (I mean I am secure in my sexuality [strictly dickly] and all, but women wearing a page-boy hair cuts and smoking cigars--uhgh).
Update #2: Favorite blog of the moment The Darth Side - Memoirs of a Monster.

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Friday, May 13, 2005

I Got My Pink Furry Thang - Or Clinton is the Kewelest!!!

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Oh wow!

In a previous post I mentioned how Clinton Powell of
Spitfire Poetry Group had this pink furry thing I wanted, but they were sold out.

I recevied a call from Mr. Powell at 12:55 AM today. Normally, I am bright-eyed and bushy tailed this time of er...night. This particular time I was "Kirk-ed (the *bleep*) out" on the peachy recliner. He said he was stopping by in a minute to drop something off (?!?). Still groggy I assess my condition - topless with track pants. I am sure he wouldn't mind me answering the door that way, but I make a mad dash to the closet.

Once fully presentable I answer the door. He has for me a pink furry thing! Her name is Olesia. She may be pink and fuzzy, but she is a strong African American woman deep down inside, and has an obsession for tall skinny dudes. *giggle* She's so cute. What is so cool is that he made sure her name began with an O (my name [one of them] begins with the letter O). I feel special. A customized furry thing that's pink.

Goldi has spent the majority of her spring as Pinky. And yes, I do like to refer to myself in third person.

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Thursday, May 12, 2005

Do I Have to Start My Day? I Just Want To Lounge.

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I'm roasted, toasted and stuffed. I'm so docile right now you can perform a coup de gras (on me) with some cotton candy--it would knock me the *bleep* out. My peach Lazy Boy Rocker/Recliner feels too good right now. I can just inhale glue and play with glitter all day. I'll ease in to the office during the afternoon. Yesterday was my best friends birthday...

Today's breakfast consisted of barbecue wings and
seafood quiche (gotta give my girl Michelle props for that). I eat like this during the Winter Holidays. Crap! It is bad enough that I have to exercise, now I have "beer calories" to burn. Extra laps for me....Shit! It was worth it. The party had food galore, tequila and good people what else could you want? I'm a very simple person add this to money and copious amounts of *ahem* and I have found my own personal Nirvana. Yeah, that's the meaning of life to me. I keep it light and simple.

Ooo there were drummers! More than we anticipated! Drummers = Men. Vegan men! Conscious men! Ital men! Did I mention men?!? And my carnivorous-very-potent-tequila-and-sangria-drinking-behind was trying to be too cool. You see brothas refer to me as one of those Cindy Lauper women with a touch of Ciara. I'm a girl that just wants to have fun, but my goodies stay in the jar.

This was supposed to be a 2-hour get together that turned into 4 1/2. The Birthday Diva made a mix tape of 80s R&B (lol). She said it was 45 minutes long after its done folks gotta go. You know the finale folks, the Electric Slide and the encore the Electric Slide plus that Cha-cha thingie. Folks still would not leave!!! Ah, now I remember why - the after party was going to be at night club that just got padlocked by the IRS--boooooooooooo!

And so my day begins as I feel like I embody at least 5 of the 7 Deadly Sins. Let's review them shall we?
1. Pride (vanity) - Check.
2. Envy (jealousy)- Nah. I usually get hated on (please refer to #1.) .
3. Wrath (anger) - Check. Static. Start nothin', won't be nothin'.
4. Sloth (laziness)- Nah. Ditched this one when I left my 20s.
5. Avarice (greed) - Check. The World is mine and I want it ALL!
6. Gluttony (overindulgence) - Check. I enjoy my excessive not-so-rock starish lifestyle.
7. Lust (heh, heh, heh) - CHECKITY, CHECK, CHECK!

Monday, May 09, 2005

I Think, Therefore I Craft - Parte Dos

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Saturday was absolutely fabu! I sold more than I anticipated. But, what worried me was that none of my glitter-Marley or bling-Marley earrings sold. These are always haute sellers. They were ultra-cheap ($10.00 and $20.00), and heavily examined by customers (mostly artists). Which can mean only one thing--cheap imitations coming to your favorite downtown boutique soon. So, this week I will be putting some in my friend's store, Afrika in Savannah. If any of you are interested in purchasing we accept credit cards and check by phone. Pics of merchandise should be up no later than next Monday.

Special big-ups to Clinton and Epiphany of
Spitfire Poetry Group for their support!

This one guy had these cute fuzzy/furry pink thingies. Clinton purchased one (I assumed it was for his mom or perhaps one of his spoken-word groupies), its name is Chester. "Chester used to be a writer for the Conan O'Brian show who's career went flat.... (or something, like my short-term memory is going to allow me to remember all that s***). I begged him to buy me one, he claimed that dude was sold out (uh-huh, you owe me how many lunches?). The guy that was selling them had a box and champagne flutes filled with "free sexy gumballs", this was such a cut-n-smart marketing gimmick. The two top words every consumer notices are "free" and "sexy". Perverts like
Soundboyz would see "free sexy balls". Which segues into this...

Once I start to develop the good habit of taking pictures of my work and posting them, this blog will become 75% craft related. Free Sexy Gumballs will be my next blog. The focus will be my rants and social life. Especially since I have stuffed-animal *ahem* lover Soundboyz posting all types of heinous atrocities.

Update: Of course I did not bring my camera and none of the girls were courteous enough to take a shot of me. But I did snag this picture from Craftster (the crafty forum site where I met them--they all go to the same art school ...enough said). If you look at the center left edge you can see half of my foot! (Soundboyz) don't get too excited!

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Thursday, May 05, 2005

A (Brief) Open Letter to All Ex-Boyfriends, Lovers and Other Strangers

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I still love each and every one of you. I just don't want to recombine my DNA with you. I would consider the domestic thang if you:

1. hired a nanny and wet nurse;

2. stayed home cooked and cleaned;

3. understood I will have two husbands;

4. realized that you and the kids would rarely see me, I am a citizen of the World...hell, Universe; and

5. would let me just be glittery and free!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

F***! It is Unladylike To Curse...(Today) I Ain't No Lady!!!

This noooooooooo good! It is 2:15 and I have dismantled two bikini tops. They were supposed to be completed yesterday. But nooooooooooooooooo!

Last night I popped in the tape of Snake and Crane Secret and the DVD of Enter the Dragon. I'm like all hyped--Yeahhh! Kung Fu!!! Psyche (Sike)! I passed out within the first 30 minutes of S&C. Even worse, I was musing about Mr. Homie Goodfriend who stopped by earlier. I was discussing my workout routine. He commented on what my target areas should be and the fact that I'm dope, but have no ass (everyone is waiting for the day I yell timberrrrrrrr - I'm top heavy)... To demonstrate this further I put his hand on my hip bone. Dramatic pause...silence...and we both smiled. I opened up my door and pushed his black ass out.

I'm trying to find out why the hell that when I need to be the most creative nothing is working for me. Then I remember last night's dream... I was making felt sculptures (like the one in the previous post--Meghan made it I don't do felt), but they were limp and needing to be assemled. I was going crazy with the needle to make them fatter--not working. Then I find this antique crochet hook, I decide I do not need it I already one that size. But then I study it and I realize its true value and I am grateful to have found it. Hmmm what does it all mean?

Fuck! Back to my creative drought. Why is everything going wrong for me? My shit has to be dope and set for Sa'urday.

Oh.....I've been sober for two mofo days!!! That's it!!!

Update: I decided to blow the last four hours surfing the web to lighten up my mood. Thanks to Mrs. Plinkington for posting this cool ass 80s video game site.